Ih Cape Town staff were set loose on the streets of Sea Point on Friday in search of many things. On the way, we also lost many things, like our pride, dignity, sense of self worth, decent public image with some selfies of us all looking very excited. And some of us were just really, really far off course.

The authors of said Canon Ball Run was the very clever and very cryptic and very evil Brandon Schenk-Gouws and Cherry Burchell.

Brandon is known for his style, wit, intelligence, humour, incredible kindness and savage revenge tactics. Don’t mess with him or you will wake up with no hair in all the wrong places.

Here were the rules of said race:o kicking, biting, scratching or murders will be tolerated.

Sabotage is acceptable.

On your travels you will need to find and collect a minimum of three of the following items.

A red ball, a lit match, must be lit when you arrive at the end point, a peg on somebody’s nose, a living insect, an ace of spades playing card, 2 left shoes from the same person, a team singing a made up song. And, don’t do anything dangerous! 

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“Leave the building by counting to 32 and take 2 opposite rights to get past the personal leg of the winter shoe. On the outside of the illicit seller morph your team in an electronic impression.” We found Morph! Actually I found morph because i’m a genius. At this point we knew we had won! Because the others were no where to be seen! And we had a genius on the team! (What hangover?!)

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Turn your back on morph and hang right to head past the Hawaiian Hibiscus flowers. Also pass the three Kookers to the place that opens on the first slinky day. Find Pedro and his sartorially elegant friend. With the maritime freeway on your left, pass 50 silver louvers and the foreign pearl. We didn’t figure out that the foreign pearl was in fact La Perla!!! But no matter. We DID figure out that the maritime freeway was the OCEAN – thanks to Ben. Genius! We were about to embark on a journey all the way to Putt Putt. The others were still far, FAR behind and we were definitely winning. Look at us just winning in this pic!

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Take the slipway left and correct the spelling at the function without hiring a party. (We had no idea what this meant!!!) So we just skipped ahead to the bit about the arboreal fork. There were so many arboreal forking forks! We just chose one and took another selfie!

Find and bring some unprocessed Nori and a friend affected by the red tide. Add 16 and their six friends to get back on track towards the mariner’s safety light and pass 8 arse stops. Stop after the 8 arse stops. Now head back a pace or more and take a photo at the arboreal fork.

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Find the contested leugeu (logo) and get a group headshot on the leugeu. We interpreted this as being the SABC logo. Which was silly in hindsight. We initially thought it was the large Ray Ban sunglasses that everyone paintbombed when they first came out. So we took a pic of this too. 

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Another one of us at this additional arboreal fork, just in case we had the wrong one before! Followed by a bunch of random selfies to make sure we didn’t miss anything on the promenade! 

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Here is more stuff we failed to grasp immediately: Take 70 paces and head up in the wrong direction past the sum of 13 to the eco-leprechauns heat. WTF?! Hang onto Graham and snap a simulacrum (we thought Graham – grey ham – was the rhino, hence the rhino installation pic). You are on the right track if you raise your eyes to the curly sea. Hmmmm, the sea! Cryptic! This one above of Mo Optometrists was actually correct, finally!

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Finally found Graham – go team! We were streaks ahead of the rest! 

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Ate some sweeties!!! 

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Hang right in the wrong direction at the French City in the direction of the place where ‘relationships are built on trust’ passing the 1652 settler. At the deli, choose your favourite three dishes on the menu. Keep on being the ‘main man’. 

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In Asia, find Mr Lu to pull a white rabbit out of the hat. Get a pic of your team enjoying eating the rabbit. Be the main man again. You are on track if you spot the black and blue name of one of our teachers. 

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Cross over the ambulance and pass the metro before you ask Oscar the price of a ‘local is lekker’ ghost. It was R3!

You are in the home stretch. Join the alcoholic carnivores after counting up to 32. What is your displacement after 32? “Three!” we cried ecstatically! Of course the answer was ZERO!

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“Come back Maren, Victoria, Ben and Kai! Where are you???” They cried! 

We entered the party singing “We are the smartipantses of the world!!! No time for losers ‘cos we are the smartipantses!!! Of the WORLD!”

We lost. We were over time. And we missed most of the stuff. And we got penalised for stealing Pedro (which was a sticker) rather than just taking a picture of him and his sartorial Italian babe.

Then we all got drunk and ate braai food. Well done to those who won, Gavin’s team – navigation geniuses! (We are sore losers and we hate you!!). 🙂

 

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The faces of failure, Victoria, Kai and Ben.

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Gavin Eyre. The winner takes it all!!!  

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Robbie and Brandon.

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Wiebke and Cherry.

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Maria (winner) and Maren (loser).

 

Stay woke.